My dear, I realize as I lay here on the floor

that the sun rises, the sun sets, we cannot beg for more

Countless days I searched here and there

that I found you is luck beyond compare

My dear, I could not survive the day without you

being without you terrifies me through and through

I need you

sooner or later, I always need you

Once, maybe twice a day

depends on what I’ve eaten, every which way

My roll of soft, strong, Cottonelle

I am lucky to have found you—lucky as hell

Fucking hoarders.