How Not to Use Twitter

In Tech and Internet by Daniel M. Clark4 Comments

Today, I recieved notification that I was being followed by “agus3anto“. I always check the Twitter page of the person who follows me to see if I might want to follow him or her back. If you're new to Twitter, please follow these instructions to ensure that nobody of value ever follows you.

1. Choose a login that makes little or no sense. Don't bother customizing the display name.

2. Follow as many random people as possible as quickly as possible. Hit that 2,000 follow limit or die trying.

3. Feel free to fill out your Bio in English, but make sure you misspell the name of the country you're in (Idonesia) and your primary reason for using Twitter (bussines). For extra points, ignore grammar – ‘i want make bussines' is perfectly acceptable.

4. Protect your updates so nobody can read what you write before deciding if you're worth following back.

5. Use the default Twitter background and color scheme. Nothing says “I'm worth following” like a lack of personality.

Follow these five simple rules, and you'll likely get bored with Twitter and give it up in no time. Thankfully.

[UPDATE – January 2, 2009]

Two things happened which make this entry look like the ramblings of a madman. First, whilst switching this site to a new web host, I somehow lost two images. One was a picture of my son, Ian, which accompanied another recent entry, and I was able to get that image back. The other image was the one that went with this entry, and without it, #3 above just doesn't have as much punch.

The second thing that happened was the suspension of the “agus3anto” account. Twitter nailed him. Bummer, huh?

Comments

  1. Hi Daniel,
    you left out #6: Unfollow people once they follow you and hope Qwitter doesn't work.

    Then you end up with 4,000 people following you and you've unfollowed 6,000.

    “Neat”, huh?

  2. Hi Daniel,
    you left out #6: Unfollow people once they follow you and hope Qwitter doesn't work.

    Then you end up with 4,000 people following you and you've unfollowed 6,000.

    “Neat”, huh?

Leave a Comment