Fortune Cookies from New York

In Random Ramblings by Daniel M. Clark2 Comments

Another post from the road – still in Colorado Springs.

My wife and kid and I had dinner at a Chinese restaurant called, appropriately enough, China Restaurant. Seriously. That was the best they could do. In spite of the name, the interior design was great and the food was good, too. This isn't a review of the restaurant, though. No, this post is all about the dumbass fortune cookie “fortune” my wife got.

I swear to God, Jesus, Budda, Mohammed, Zeus, L. Ron Hubbard, and Gorto the God of Cheese, I'm not making this up:

Take care and sensitivity you show
toward others with return to you.

I'll scan it when I get home, because I want to prove I'm not making this up.

Update: I lost the damn slip of paper somewhere between Colorado Springs and home. My bad. You'll just have to take my word for it.

The cookie was produced by the Kari-Out Co., of New York. These people have gotta be kidding. The way I see it, there's only two ways a message as incomprehensible as that got into a cookie. First, the company is so incompetent that they couldn't translate from the Chinese. Two things wrong there, though: nobody uses actual Chinese fortunes in the cookies anymore and even if they did, it's the company's primary responsibility regarding this product to get the translation right! If it's not incompetence, it must be laziness.

We don't get actual fortunes anymore, we get Hallmark greeting card-style one-liners. I've had Chinese food all over the country – I don't think I've opened a cookie to find an actual fortune in about 8 or 10 years. I opened a cookie once to find a “fortune” that basically read, “follow your dreams, you can reach your goals”. What the hell? That's not a fortune, that's unsolicited advice—and poor advice at that. That's laziness on the part of the producers of these cookies. Instead of getting actual Chinese text for translation, they're getting no-talent shlubs that flunked out of Hallmark University to write pithy sayings – and paying accordingly.

But then, maybe I shouldn't get mad that a New York company is fucking up Chinese fortune cookies, considering fortune cookies ain't Chinese to begin with.

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